My cousin was getting married. I had one concern. I hoped his wife was pretty. He was my role model, he had different girlfriends all the time. I still feared I never would.
He was my only hope. I thought that if he couldn’t get a pretty girl, there was no way I ever would.
I had no idea what she looked like, had never seen one picture. I prayed she was pretty. It was my only hope.
I don’t know why I put so much stock into what someone else’s wife looked like, completely avoiding if whether or not she was a good person. But I was young and that’s how my dumb mind worked. I was a child of America and that’s how materialistic the culture shaped me.
Then came the moment. I walked up to their house. My mom dad and brother were in front of me waiting to enter. One by one they go in. I heard her voice. Still no visual. Each of them saw her before me. When I finally get in, I can’t believe my eyes.
It’s even worse than I imagined. I panic. I’m in denial. I say to myself, maybe that’s not her. All of us only assumed it was his wife. But maybe it was a friend or sister. Seeing her was making my dream of a beautiful girlfriend evaporate.
These thoughts I kept to myself of course. No one had any idea I was thinking such things. My cousin asked me what was wrong. He told me to cheer up and that the world was mine. I wasn’t so sure.
I walked back to the car with my dad to unpack the trunk, he looked over at me jokingly and said, “Geez I hope that’s not his wife”.
But it was.
I was finished. I thought there was no hope for me.
On the ride home something inside of me shifted. I wasn’t discouraged. My ambition became even more invigorated. I realized I could only count on myself to get what I want. It didn’t matter what anyone else had or didn’t have. I would claim my destiny regardless of fate. I would defy God himself if I had to.
If you want something bad enough, you’ll find a way for it to manifest.