Chapter 35

Every once in a while the stars align and a beautiful girl is also promiscuous. This doesn’t happen often, but when it does, you capitalize. At least that’s how our value system was set up.

Every grade had two or three. If you were lucky, you were able to get a couple under your belt while the window was open. That’s the thing about the beautiful and promiscuous, they don’t stay that way forever. Dudes are desperately dying to save them from themselves, and eventually one will. You have to have to act fast.

Brandy was much older than me. She was so far out of my league that I didn’t even fantasize about her. I didn’t see the point. My fantasies have always been realistic. They’re more vivid that way.

I don’t know what happened in this girls life to make her suddenly want to have sex with everybody, but something must have, because she did.

Imagine one of the hottest girls in your high school wakes up one day and randomly decides to fuck everyone. That’s literally what happened. Actually, she was so much older that she already graduated before I was even a senior. That summer before he went to jail, she was in love with Craig. So in love that she would do whatever he said, including pay for his abortions.

She would even have sex with his friends. She had a thing for virgins. Would my first sexual experience qualify as rape because she was 19 and I was 16? Not in the state of Ohio, I think. But I still wouldn’t suggest any teenagers replicate this experience. Even though at the time, I thought it was awesome.

A group of us had been out drinking on the road we called “The Spot”. Craig said he would set it up. He told me she was down. I couldn’t believe it. I hadn’t even gotten my first kiss six months ago, now all of a sudden this beautiful older woman was going to let me inside of her.

The whole way back to the house, I thought for sure something would go wrong, like a car crash or she would change her mind. Then our car drunkenly swerved and hit a mailbox. I thought that was it. But the driver laughed and kept going. I was almost there.

Brandy was down. She was going to have sex with us all, one by one. I got to go first.

I found myself sitting alone with her on a couch. We started kissing. I didn’t waste any time. I took her clothes off. I got on top then she did. I had no clue what I was doing. Our friends watched and laughed from outside the window. I didn’t know that at the time.

When I was done I waited outside while two more of them took their turn.

Did my best friends fucking the girl I lost my virginity to-immediately after me-instill some sort of deep rooted detachment, trust issues, and contempt for women that I still struggle with subconsciously today?

Nah, I’m good… I think.

Later that summer I fucked her one more time. We were at the Spot again. She was upset over something Craig said. We were all tripping on acid. Brandy stormed off into the woods. Craig told me to go check on her, assuming she would fuck me. He was right.

I fucked her on the ground in a field, in the middle of the night, tripping on acid. I was 17.

Last I heard Brandy had a stroke at age 35. Was this karma? Is there such a thing as karma? Should her karma even be bad? Wasn’t she just showing love to a young man who otherwise wouldn’t have been shown any? Or was I taken advantage of?

There was a part of me that cared for her. There was a part of me that was attached. She was beautiful and my first. But being who she was I learned early; just because a girl has sex with you–that doesn’t make her yours.

It was the first time I learned that lesson, but it wouldn’t be the last.