I threw my phone and shattered it. I’d had enough. In that moment I made a decision: that no matter what, I would succeed.
I thought of what success might look like. All the people I love, all the people I’ve lost, I could save them. I’d at least have a chance to — if I could only succeed.
So I wrote to God, my only audience, and asked for vision to see and the express the truth.
I asked for purpose.
I asked for mastery, so I can be so good they can’t ignore me.
I asked for the strength to stop needing what makes me feel okay and distracts me from the fact that I’m not.
Thank you for showing what needs to be shown.
Thank you for lucidity. Thank you for hope. Thank you for possibility.
The possibility of creating something is still real.
It’s still out there. I can find it. There’s still time and the future is untold. There’s still paths I can choose.
I pray I choose wisely.
God holds the pen and knows where the story ends. I pray for the motivation to continue.
I ask to remember this feeling, so when i do find success, I don’t forget why I started.
I ask God to free me — from that shackles of this world — and from the hardest prison to escape, my own mind.
I pray for understanding. I pray for love. I pray for peace.
I ask forgiveness of my vengeance. Forgive the hearts I’ve broken and the murder on my mind.
I pray to transmute anguish into productivity. I pray I produce content that wakes the world. I pray the questions I raise help others to raise their own.
I pray we find answers.
When I question reality, I pray I never lose it.
I pray I’m able to forgive my enemies, after I defeat them. I pray I never give up, in my search for success.