Black & Brilliant

The structural integrity

of my destiny

is such,

that I’m stuck in jeopardy.

A loveless recipe.

What’s ahead of me?

A neglected legacy?

Suspected felonies?

Arrested?

— for excessively questioning everything

Let me sing

my song.

When I’m gone

they’ll say:

“A.J.

wasn’t wrong.”

Until then

they’ll act like they don’t feel him

because I’m black and I’m brilliant.

They’re mad I’m resilient,

they’d rather of killed him.

Eventually they’ll finish me,

then I’ll see infinity, divinity.

What did Leonardo DaVinci see?

that made him go insane in his creations

My guess is

she wore dresses,

it’s why he doesn’t paint men.

I’m going through the same thing.

Explaining

while they’re feigning paying attention.

They made me stay in detention,

in school suspensions.

My mentals were different.

I’ve been through some distance

and 10 new prescriptions.

My coping mechanism

for when you don’t listen.

Anything’s Possible

The craziest artist
maybe retarded
Aj and Arthur
they’ll make me a martyr
save me from this daily revolver
I’m praying to the savior, the father
He’s saying we’ve lost her
these thoughts are the cost
there’s frost on my collar
there’s sin in the wind
I swim in the harbor
I swear
there’s a scare in the air
now where are the dollars?
right there!?
Prepare to be slaughtered
I can fight or I can write
its the right of an author
I’m typing this harder
I might be a monster
the life of Jeffry Dahmer
a knight in shinning armor
if the night was like my armor
why I even bother
it’s lottery and drama
a lot of these
thots that are hot I see
are probably
someone’s momma
its honestly a problem
don’t talk to me about philosophy
unless you’ve got a lot of weed
I’m God’s envy but Gods in me…

possibly.

Facts & Coping Mechanisms

Okay so, I know it isn’t.
But I’m smoking like it’s my religion,
it’s my coping mechanism.
Drug addiction
due to love omission.
What’s the difference
between a dream and what they mean?
Things remain unseen,
like screams.
The scenes I’ve seen are obscene,
it seems.
Reemerging themes
keep busting out the seams.
Lusting for some things
I’m not supposed to have.
When I told her she got mad.
Is she over it or sad?
No one knows,
I told um tho – I’m bad.
Blame it on my dad.
This game don’t change,
it ain’t a fad.
The rain came.
I was maimed and stabbed.
But I maintained,
my name intact.
Lames complain
but I adapt.
Why is that?
Because everything I write is FACTS!

Humility

Humility.
Are you kidding me?
That’s the fuel they’ll use
to get rid of me.
I’ve got 2 friends,
then again
a few enemies.
Arthur J; the truth, isn’t he?
All they do is shoot, missing me-
but when I’m gone
it’s you missing me.
Too bad you never knew this to be.
New history
proved literally.
This summer I wonder-
who is with me?
Friends tend to blend in to new cities,
they move quickly.
Forgot that we talked,
like who is he?
The truth’s shitty.
If the noose fits me
they’re through with me,
but I’ll win the war
like Ulysses.

The Life of a Poet

People started changin’
I don’t need um
I don’t claim um
Why?
They won’t be at my arraignment.
I
just need to receive my payment.
To me it’s pretty basic.
Your claims seem really baseless.
My aim? Make the reader turn the pages.
When they do they’ll burn their faces.
You would think a furnace made it,
but I wrote it.
The life of a poet.
Why cry?
Don’t I know it.
Survival of the coldest.
Don’t get close it’s corrosive.
Though if
you could hold it,
you would notice
it’s explosive.
Don’t wish, go get; osmosis.
And no,
you can not quote this.
Please refer to the documents noted.
Your arguments bogus.
I keep my art in my heart.
It’s dark but in focus.

Lunch

I think they wanna kill me
but fuck it
whats destined always will be
Everytime I try n find a mind they’re blind
I still see
father forgive me
I’m not really pretty
I’m guilty
without a lawyer to appeal me
Tom Sawyer probably feels me
I write like him
I frighten my friends with my pen
it’s either that or I might fight them
I try to do what’s right
but lifes like wind
changes directions
the only thing that doesn’t change
my name and complexion
Its game that I’ve stepped in
my brain is the weapon
today is the present
I’m christmas with this nonfictiouus story
don’t ignore me because surely it gets vicious
is this a visit
from the second coming that’s predicted?
Well if it is
I hope you’ve hid the kids
I can’t let them niggaz live
kill em all
I’m on a hunt
Build a wall
like Donald Trump
I will not fall
even though
the road has bumps
I know u want to go to lunch
but I gotta work before I eat
ita gonna hurt before it’s sweet
and even when you win
you first will meet defeat
they don’t understand
because there so much thirstier than me
I turned down the lemonade
because I prefer sweet tea
lol

Work Wrote

Different companies wantin me
Keeping riches over bitches
But this is suspicious
No ones in love w me
So how comfortably can I live
When there isn’t anyone but me
How much more can I give
When there’s none for me
It’s a bit of a conundrum see
What I want to be
Vs. what I’m forced to be
Unfortunately is morbid to me
One can’t survive
If I even am alive
In the first place
What’s 1st place in a race,

without an audience

It’s just that fucked up state of mind that it seems like I’m always in

Blame the fucked up schools that they taught me in
Or the fucked up rules that I always bend

I Don’t Think

It must be nice

to end up with the person you like

I haven’t been so lucky

if I’m really lucky they’ll fuck me

but never ever love me

they’ll judge me, cut me, crush me

even be my buddy

but never will they love me

hug me, kiss me, forget me

I wonder if they miss me

Forgiveness

Forgive them

for they live in a system that has them imprisoned

within their existence their mission is fiction

wisdom’s forbidden

this isn’t a vision

it’s a fact

backed by a vivid description

if you didn’t listen

you’ve missed the prediction

which is a wish for definitive wisdom

Totally Over Me Poetry

ok so…

I know that she’s totally over me but the poetry’s the only thing that keeps my soul at ease. And although she holds the key to let me go free she holds me as her trophy. I’m ghostly reminded of my time with this dime chick and it doesn’t take a scientist to see that I’m pissed. How’d my mind miss the signs for this? I guess I was blinded when I was trying to hit. And if it’s a crime, convict. But I think that I’m legit.

Temptations

I just got my hair cut

and I swear sluts stare but-

I don’t care cuz

there’s no such thing as there love

if there was

it be something I was scared of

to rare to be prepared for

like terrorists in airports

but there’s more

to it than useless bullshit

for instance

my music induces the senses

this pensive friendship with my pen is

the only invented that hasn’t ended

maybe I’m too comprehensive

soldiers sing my songs in trenches

thats just one of the consequences

when what your writing happens to be non-pretentious

and to be honest all this constant senseless conflict tenses  my senses immensely

leaving me feeling empty

and suicide is tempting

My Last Wishes

I guess we’ll have to wait and see what happens

to AJ the seed thats rappin’

since 83′ in Manhattan

a very rare occasion that he’s laughin’

my passion?

thats been wrapped in a napkin

I set it on fire and swallowed it

and now I’m tired of all of this

while I’m trying to call it quits

I’m lying to all the kids

because my mind is a marvelous

diamond inside a pit

no science, psychologist, or open minded neurologist

could tell you why I am always pissed

but I can…

it’s because I’m running out of time and the clock still ticks

I can feel it

it’s as real as it’s ever been

I feel that I’ll never win

as long as I’m dead within

I’m treasurin’ the pleasure when it’s near

but I fear that it’s left again

and the tears, they drip on my pen

as I’m writing this entire list

of why I should die

because life’s a bitch

I don’t even know why we’re hitched

I’m not fighting this – anymore

let the Henny pour

on my grave

because these days as slave

have me feeling empty more

and Jennifer,

you should have never been a whore

and let my dad hit it

then we wouldn’t have this shit

and pen, you’ve been a good friend

but this could be the last visit-

my last wishes

Writer’s Block

Writer’s block

it’s like a lock

when I try to talk or write a thought

watching me constantly

like a hawk

I look inside the eyes of God

he explains to me why life is hard

and why I have these righteous flaws

my dime might not be mine at all

too late now because I’m involved

not long until my time is called

every single sign I saw

points straight to my final fall

I wrote this quote at my new job

look at how the rhyme evolves

Contrary to Popular Belief

she’s feelin me, literally

reeling me in, willingly

sending me messages

suggestive texts

estrogen, confessions, and rumors

sooner or later

the vacuumus nature

of my personality

will strike her mentality

either that

or she might just get mad at me

risk assessment totality

casually placed in the face of adversity, constantly

and guess what…   she’s as strong as me, honestly

I’m probably headed for monogamy

contrary to popular belief

Risks

I’m taking these chances
it’s making me frantic
they’re praying he’d vanish
I don’t panic
one day their damn wish will get granted
Dear God,
why such an odd planet?
and if
I’m apart of it
then why isn’t my heart in it?
I don’t mean to bother you
but you’re the one who started it

A Broken Duet

thinking about you
drinking without you
the queen to my castle
the keys to my shackles
the piece to my puzzle
the reason I love you
so much for keeping it subtle
I’m deep in this trouble
my knees are in rubble
my feet are in mud too
I can’t seem to bust through to touch you
what you
don’t know
is everything I won’t show
I don’t know
just don’t go
I mean c’mon
this song
wasn’t meant to be a solo

A Terrible Person

I’m a terrible person, searchin’

but uncertain when the curtain’s closin’

I suppose when the show ends

it’s a lyrical explosion

a very potent potion

thats awoken every person dozin’

every word I’ve spoken is a token of my emotion

my eyes are floatin’

but won’t cry, they’re too dry from smokin’

but that’s besides the notion

take it as advice from an old friend

you live your life and the road ends

 

Sincerely Yours,

 

Rold’s Pen

I Guess I Knew (2003)

Listen to this
hope is like dope
and I’m addicted to it
it’s killing me slowly
I’ll eventually O.D.
the minute she told me
that we were finished it broke me
then it awoke me
I can sense that she’s over me
we went together like pens & poetry
until her parents noticed we
were socially
unacceptable
I guess I knew
it was inevitable

Sheer Destiny

Theoretically
the sheer trajectory
of my fears collectively
are near telepathy.
So here are my tears, pathetically.
Poetically.
Energetically kinetically.
I put together letters intelligently,
evidently irreverently.
They havent sent me to the penitentiary
but it’s where they expect me to be.
I guess we’ll just see
and unless you were me-
you wouldn’t understand what’s expected of me if my legacy was in jeopardy
(ok maybe if you were Alex Trebek), it’s destiny.
Tepidly, effortlessly.
It might not make sense unless we
sound it out phonetically.
Forever turned to never with me.
When I met her
I should’ve never let her
get the better of me.
Then I wouldn’t have to keep writing this shit,
repetitively.

Her

Do you ever think of me in a positive light?
or is it always the night
when you have a drink and think
whatever happened to ‘what’s his name’ from back then
does your husband know you have an attraction to black men?
questions I shouldn’t be askin
reflection seems like perfection of what we had then
What happened?
you were my first love
and my last friend
memories of feelings I haven’t had since
it doesnt add up and it doesn’t make that much sense
it’s been too long
you’re too gone
I’m too strong to do wrong
but I can’t let go
and I can’t move on
congratulations, you’re a new mom
and congratulations to your dude, john
forgive me
I’m bringing up things you probably wouldn’t want her to remember
I swear I try to forget her
and how I would lift her
over my shoulders and throw her on the bed and then I would hold her, sober
just before October
Just before I got the chance to show her
what I should have told her
before we both got older
when I use to know her

2006. The poem I wrote the day my father died, before I knew.

I love kent state
I love sig ep
I love being me
I love being free
I hate being lonely
I hate fake ass homies
I hate when bitches think they’ve known me
I hate when niggas try n clone me
I hate fake ass homies
I ate straight bologna
now I eat steak and plates of rigatoni
I hate being in love
and I love being hated
I hate being judged
is nothing left sacred?

Someday

Someday

the sun rays will come and stay

though some say that day has gone away

but somewhere it’s Sunday

so I stop and pray

I’ve got a lot to say

to the one that makes

everything, but one mistake

in a leap of faith

I speak and wait

to see what turns my freestyle take

my these vowels consummate every song I make

til I’m gone and my mom sings this song at my wake

only the calm and the strong can dominate

I contemplate what’s on my plate

and think I need a drink

because it’s a lot to take